Cloudy With a Chance of Coffee
by donutsweeper
Summary: Weather isn't normally this unpredictable, especially inside Atlantis. The title is a play off the children's book "Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs."


Monday

Sheppard was running down the hall, well, quickly walking since people tended to consider seeing the military commander rushing about a worrisome event, at least when there aren't any alarms going off. He came to an abrupt stop when he spotted McKay about to enter the mess hall.

"Rodney, I've got a scientist thing I need you to check out," Sheppard said, grabbing McKay's arm and encouraging him to walk with him down the hall.

"A scientist thing. A _scientist thing?_" McKay asked as he tried to pull away. "Really, Sheppard, can't you do a little better than that? I haven't even had my coffee yet, and if I don't get some soon they might run out."

"There'll be enough coffee." Sheppard practically manhandled McKay further down the hall and away from the rest of the Atlantis personnel who were milling about near the mess hall.

"Maybe not. They ran out yesterday; I don't know why they don't make more coffee, especially in the mornings, I mean, who can get going in the morning without coffee? You know, I think I need to put another note in the suggestion box, excuse me, suggestion terminal, about the pathetically minuscule volume of coffee made each day. A few more gallons-"

"McKay," Sheppard interrupted, "Two marines on patrol reported seeing a chocolate mist in an empty section of the South pier past the old storage rooms."

"Chocolate mist? What exactly does that mean? Chocolate like the color? So, a brown mist? Or did it smell vaguely like chocolate? Do we have cocoa scented smoke wafting about Atlantis now? Or are we talking it having a chocolate taste? Because that might not be such a bad thing." He stopped to consider that for a moment, only to have his sleeve tugged by Sheppard.

"Come on, You can walk and talk at the same time."

"Well, of course I can, even if it is away from the mess hall. Where the coffee is, and did I mention I haven't had any coffee yet today? You know I don't function without my morning coffee, well, without coffee period. Why are you in such a rush anyway and what's going on?"

Sheppard looked around, but they were alone in the hall. "Lorne's back. They never got a chance to set up that trade agreement, the one for a portion of Beranthan harvest? His team was ambushed by the Genii."

McKay nodded, grimacing slightly. "Any casualties?"

"Message I got was everyone's okay." Sheppard gave a half shrug and added quickly, "Well, mostly anyway. They didn't come back hot and they all were mobile. I'm on my way to the infirmary now to see how their post mission check-ups went. See how they're doing."

"Right. I'll look into the chocolate mist," unable to come up with a proper term Rodney simply flailed his arms, "thing. Or have Radek do it, but someone will. I'll get someone on it as soon as I've had my coffee."

"Thanks, Rodney," Sheppard said, giving an affectionate slap to McKay's back as he walked away. "I knew I could count on you."

* * *

Tuesday

"Rodney!" Sheppard called out, jogging up to McKay as he exited his lab.

"Oh, Colonel." McKay spun around. "I haven't had a chance to look into your chocolate mist yet. I know, I know I said I'd do it or at least have Radek- who, despite it sometimes seeming like he would attempt anything he thought might infuriate me, is actually a decent scientist. Semi-decent anyway, but anyway," McKay fidgeted a little before finally admitting, "I forgot, and, well, more important things came up. First I had to get coffee, which they were practically out of, thank you very much, and then there was an issue with an unexpected drain from the ZPM and-"

"Doesn't matter," Sheppard interrupted.

"It doesn't matter? _Doesn't matter?_" McKay was getting more and more animated as he continued. "What do you mean it doesn't matter? The South Pier is being attacked by a vicious chocolate mist and it doesn't matter?"

"Nope. Reports say it dissipated after an hour."

"And that doesn't bother you? We had chocolate mist wafting through Atlantis and just because it's gone we shouldn't worry about it?"

"Right now, I'm a little more concerned about the hail."

"Hail," McKay repeated.

Sheppard nodded. "Hail. On the shooting range."

"Wait a minute," Rodney pointed out, "the shooting range is inside."

"Yeah, it is. But, that's not the reason I want you to look into it."

"It's hailing inside Atlantis and that's_ not_ the reason you want me to look into it?" McKay sputtered.

"There's something weird about the hail."

McKay scrubbed a hand over his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. "And what, pray tell, is so _weird _about the hail?"

"It's blueberry. Well, blueberry-ish anyway. I've got two patrols collecting them. 'Course they have to wear rain gear so their uniforms don't get too wrecked. I figure we'll test them and if they turn out to be edible we can turn them over to the kitchen. A few bushels of fresh fruit-like food will be great for morale around here."

"So, just a second here, I'm a bit confused. What do you want me to do? Figure out why it's hailing in Atlantis or figure out why the hail is some sort of berry-like substance?"

"Either? If it's anything like the mist it'll only last an hour or two, but," Sheppard shrugged, "I kind of think we should look into it."

"Oh, you do, do you?" McKay shook his head. "That's really using that Mensa intellect of yours."

"So, you'll look into it?"

"Yes, of course I'll look into it, or at least, have someone look into it. No problem."

"Good. Thanks, Rodney. Don't forget, mystery meat for dinner tonight!" Sheppard called over his shoulder as he headed down the hall.

"I can hardly wait," Rodney said dryly as he returned to the lab. "Radek, the Colonel needs you to run some tests."

* * *

Wednesday

McKay was arguing with Radek on the best way to run a diagnostic on the ZPM, trying to trace the origin of yet another power drain, when Sheppard radioed him, ordering him to the jumper bay.

"I'm kind of busy right now," McKay radioed back.

"_Trust me, you want to drop what you're doing and get here. Now. And bring a bucket. Sheppard out,_" was the immediate reply.

"A bucket?" McKay turned to Radek.

Radek just shrugged. "If the Colonel says…."

"Yeah, yeah. Okay, see what you can figure out where the power is going, and I'll be back as soon as I convince Colonel Crazy that I'm not his best choice when it comes to mopping up messes."

"Mopping?" Radek looked up at McKay. "That seems unlikely."

"Well, why else would he want me to bring a bucket?" McKay exclaimed, leaving the lab in a huff.

It took ten minutes for McKay to get to the jumper bay, in part due to the detour to find a bucket. He had no idea what Sheppard expected him to _do_ with said bucket, but was pretty sure arriving without it wouldn't be the best idea.

"Sheppard?" McKay called out as the door to the jumper bay whisked open. "What was so damned urgent that you- Oh. My. It's raining. In the jumper bay. Is that… Is that coffee?" McKay quickly held the bucket out.

"Yep," Sheppard said succinctly. He was standing in the back of an open puddle jumper, watching the coffee rain fall.

"It looks like coffee and it smells like coffee." McKay held out a hand and, after a minute, brought it up to his nose for a better sniff. "Is it really raining coffee?"

"It looks that way."

"Tests! We need to run tests! Is this drinkable? How is it happening? Can we control it?"

"I already sent off samples. The frozen berry hail was fine. They're going to be turned into muffins for tomorrow, I think. No reason to suspect the coffee won't come back clean as well."

"You think the chocolate mist, the berry hail and coffee rain are related?" McKay put his bucket down on the floor, belatedly noticing that a number of other buckets and bins and jars had been placed on the floor to collect the raining coffee. He walked over to join Sheppard inside the puddle jumper and out of the rain. "What am I saying, of course they're related. But why are they happening? And how? And why now? It's not like Atlantis just woke up one day and decided to throw food at us, right? No, of course not. Although, it's not really throwing food, more like creating weather events that result in the accumulation of edible items. It's too bad you didn't have anyone gathering that chocolate mist because, hello, _chocolate_, can you imagine what the mess hall could have done with that?"

Sheppard shrugged before pointing out, "You're soaked. You're gonna need a shower."

"A shower? That's all you can think of in a time like this? It is _raining coffee_ in Atlantis, and all you can think of is the fact that I'm a little-" McKay sneezed. "Okay, fair point, maybe I should get into some dry clothes and get this coffee out of my hair. Coffee is in my hair. Can you believe that? Coffee is in, actually in, my hair. I am drenched in coffee, completely and utterly drenched and isn't it great? And if all this," he pointed to the buckets slowly filling up, "gets collected the mess hall will have plenty of coffee- they won't be able to claim that they have to be careful in how much they make to ration it out to last to the next supply run. Nope, there will be plenty. All the coffee I can drink and no more complaints to the suggestion terminal, well, except to ask for more pudding. There's never enough pudding." McKay sneezed again.

"Rodney," Sheppard huffed.

"Right, right. Shower first, then dry clothes and then I'll run a diagnostic to see if I can trace these weather food event things, and I think I'll have a coffee or two while doing it, just because I can."

"Not until the tests come back."

"Yes, yes, of course," McKay muttered, hunching his shoulders as he ran out from the puddle jumper and towards the jumper bay door. "A rain of coffee, I love it!"

* * *

Thursday

"Purple snow." A muscle jumped in Sheppard's jaw as he tried not to laugh.

"Yes, sir." Lorne himself seemed like he was having difficulty reporting the news.

"In the gate room."

"Yes, sir."

"My mission has been scrubbed because it is snowing in the gate room." Sheppard crossed his arms and plastered a smile on his face. "And not only is it _snowing_, but the snow is purple."

"Yes, sir. Kind of Hawaiian Punch flavored," Lorne added, trying to be helpful.

"What?"

"It's not exactly snow, but more like frozen ice, kind of in the consistency of a slurpee."

Sheppard covered his eyes with his hand. "A slurpee?"

"You know, like you can get at 7-11? Those frozen ice drinks- slushies, icees, granitas, you had to have had one as a kid."

"I know what a slurpee is, Major. I just don't know why my gateroom is being filled with one."

"As per your orders I sent samples down to the biolab for testing and have storage containers being filled by some of the men."

"Any complaints? It's not like slurpee shoveling was on the job description."

"No, sir. Although Dr. Kusanagi did slip when the snow first started. Took a pretty bad spill, actually, may have sprained or broken something."

"Now that'll be an interesting report to have to write up. Thankfully scientists and their paperwork are _not _my problem. I'll leave that interesting bit of fiction to Doctor McKay."

Lorne smiled. "Yes, sir."

"I guess we're going to need to figure out how to store slurpee snow. Slurpee snow," Sheppard repeated, shaking his head

"I've put Corporal Marks in charge of that, sir. He seemed rather excited about it, apparently he'd been hoping the mess hall would get a slurpee machine, even put a request in for it."

"Did he now? Interesting. Well, it looks like you have this all under control, Major. If you'll excuse me, I have something I have to go check out."

* * *

Friday

It was only ten minutes into the popcorn tornado when McKay, at Sheppard's urging, disconnected the suggestion box terminal in the Mess Hall and wiped all the proposed food additions and cafeteria complaints that had been made. The popcorn projectiles came to an abrupt end.

"So, that's it?" Sheppard asked, brushing stray kernels out of his hair.

"The ZPM readings are back to normal and the food related weather events have stopped so my assumption is, like you so cleverly put it, that's it." McKay let out a frustrated huff. "Of course it is a little more complicated than that, but because I am brilliant I did manage to pinpoint the problem and figure out what went wrong in the first place and it's actually very interesting. It turns out the rain, the snow, and all of that was Atlantis, the city itself, trying to solve what had been accidently programed as a food crisis necessitation interface."

"So, you programed the suggestion box wrong."

McKay glared at Sheppard. "If you wanted to look at it in an extremely short sighted and hastily construed manner than I suppose you might, just might mind you, consider that I might possibly be at fault for this, but, as you know, I would never-"

"Rodney," Sheppard cut off McKay's ramblings.

"Hmm?"

"Wanna go get some breakfast? I hear there's coffee and blueberry-ish pancakes."

"Coffee?"

"Yeah. Lots of coffee." Sheppard gave McKay a long look and raised a finger, waggling it in his face. "But don't you get any ideas about that. Understand?"

"Oh. Oh, yeah," McKay said, walking away quickly.

"I mean it, Rodney!"

"Mm-hum."

"Rodney!"


End file.
